Wednesday, January 30, 2008

NY Carrier pigeon strike blamed for Dow drop, weak economy


Most people do not realize that carrier pigeons are the driving force behind the New York and therefore the US economy. Their importance, even in this age of technology, cannot be understated.

"They make the wheels go round," said a recently retired Chairman of the Federal Reserve, who wanted to remain nameless.

Most firms on Wall Street continue to use the birds to carry messages, buy stock, carry notes, or sell stock.

"I don't trust phones or email but the birds are loyal and they know the market and they're good at flying," said UBS vice president, Stan Williams.

The feather-covered birds are looking for a 25% raise for flights across the East or Hudson Rivers. The main issue, however, is the use of Vintex, a revolutionary new paper that is 65 times lighter than normal paper. The pigeons want the new paper to be mandatory but Wall Street has balked at its absurd cost and have also accused the birds of being lazy.

"Vintex is prohibitively expensive and it only comes in white," said Jean Francis, a Forbes analyst.

Tom Wilson, who represents the pigeon union, feels the two sides will come together.

"We'll come together, they know these birds are top notch. They saw how the Dow dipped recently."

Others are not so sure. "Some regular, nasty, untrained city pigeons have crossed the strike line and have performed well," said Francis.

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