A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Monday, February 4, 2008
Pats will still hold parade, but on the Cape
The New England Patriots announced they are contractually obligated to hold a parade that was scheduled for tomorrow, however, in a different location. So expecting a Super Bowl victory yesterday, the city of Boston, in agreement with the Patriots, set up bleachers, barriers, and food stands along the planned downtown route.
The scaled down parade will now take place on the very end of Cape Cod in Provincetown, MA, a 2.5 hour drive from Boston. By contract agreement every player and coach from the organization must attend and have a great time. The Cape town is very desolate during the unforgiving winter months and with ferry service from Boston halted until April few fans are expected to be in attendance.
"We were all disappointed with the loss, but we're going to give them a real good Cape welcome," said Jim Higgins, mayor of Provincetown.
Many of the high school marching bands scheduled for the Boston parade have withdrawn, forfeiting their appearance fee.
"We just think it's best that our kids don't partake in the parade. Plus I think we have a sock hop scheduled," said one principal.
Robert Kraft, owner of the Patriots, also announced he would have the team sized for rings after the parade.
"I was heartbroken over the loss but I think it's best to continue on like we won the game, at least for a while. That's what my adviser thinks is best."
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